I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
