That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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