I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
