I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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