I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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