I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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