Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
