i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
