Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my shit smells like andre
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
