1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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