he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
