im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
how does that bad decision feel?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
