You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
