I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
