I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
