I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
