watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
