I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
