if you like me you must not know who I am
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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