I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
