it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
