Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
