You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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