Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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