We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize