Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
