Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
