we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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