You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
