You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
we're so committed to being not committed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
