My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
