what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
