I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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