I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
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