I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
