I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize