U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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