I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
