and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize