Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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