just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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