just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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