please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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