I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
