This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
