i just identified you from a description of your pipe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
