Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
