I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
