Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
