thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
