Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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