I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
