my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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