Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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