Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
