I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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