"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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