STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
