Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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