Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
