At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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