Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
