did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
