you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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