How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
