He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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