R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
