i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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