Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
