i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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