We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
