i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
