$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize